Changes...

I decided to blog about this, just to get this out of my head and into the open. Journaling in the past has helped me feel better about situations and issues. It's best to not keep it all to yourself!

As of Wednesday, February 9. I started to wean Xia. We switched from nursing 3 times a day (morning, nap time, and bed time), to twice daily (morning, and nap time).
Giving up bed time feeding was actually more of a relief than anything. She took it very well. Rather than nursing to sleep/before putting her awake in the crib, I just put her head on my shoulder, put her music on and "dance" with her for about 10mins. I lay her in her crib and more often than not a little crying follows, but not for long!
Giving up morning feedings (today is the second day) was a little more difficult. Nursing in the morning was like Xia's cup of joe! She was grumpy until after she nursed, then after a dose of breast milk, she was good to go! So, now upon her waking up, I put her in the highchair and fix breakfast right away. I can tell she would rather nurse first before breakfast, but she's adjusting fine. It's been an adjustment for me, because when I wake up to get her, It means I have to be good to go and ready to cook! Also, I'm usually full in the morning and it's a nice relief.
Nap time is going to be rough. Lately she's been waking up at 6am and is ready for a nap @ 9am. I nurse her for her first nap. If she takes another nap (which she has been), I don't nurse her for that one. Today going down for her second nap was difficult. I could tell she wanted to nurse. I felt guilty for the first time. I know I shouldn't, so I'm going to not dwell on it. But, it's hard!

It's been TOUGH emotionally for me over this past week. I just want to take naps when she's napping, I feel like eating my weight in cookies, etc!! I've forced myself out of the house in the mornings (MWF) to jog, but even that has been tough. This morning during errands all I could think about was going home to put her down for a nap so I could get some relief and nurse her. I haven't felt like that since she was about 3 months old!!! Feeling "full" doesn't help the situation. Especially when she crys at her second nap time. I know that I could just nurse her and solve the problem right away!
I googled "weaning and depression" to see what came up and decide if I was going crazy or not! I found some very helpful blogs. Other moms felt similar... I AM NOT ALONE!!! That always helps! I particularly liked Baby Sauared's post.

I'm ready to wean. I want new, non nursing bras. I'm grateful that we had a good journey. I will miss it. I will treasure the bonding time and memories. I feel blessed to have nursed for an entire year, plus some. I will overcome this bout of "booby blues" as Baby Squared's Blog refers to it. There I said my peace and I already feel better (or maybe it was the 3 chocolate chip cookies I ate today!)